Stephanie’s Pillowbook

True Selves by Mildred L. Brown & Chloe Ann Rounsley, subtitled Understanding Transsexualism: For Families, Friends, Coworkers and Helping Professionals, was written by a sex therapist (with the help of a journalist) who specialises in treating transgendered people. It is obviously a work directed primarily at those who are involved with transsexuals in one capacity or other rather than at transsexuals themselves. Indeed, the latter are unlikely to learn anything new from this book. It is a general introduction couched in a colloquial style and designed for a non-specialist audience who may never previously have given gender issues a moment’s thought. As such it has been attacked for being too middle-of-the-road and for not addressing more radical ideas and practices. The author does admit that those she sees in her San Jose practice are overwhelmingly white, middle-class, well-educated and employed. But if you keep that in mind the book is still useful for its target readership. I for one do not wish to embark on a discussion of theoretical controversies when I come out to people. I just want them to have enough understanding to appreciate that what I’m doing with my life has a reason. In any case, any problems that arise in coming out - on both sides - are far more likely to be emotional than intellectual. Indeed, it was recognition of these emotional difficulties which prompted the author’s own interest in the lives of transsexuals. So this book serves its purpose better, I feel, than some essay which addresses more accurately and interestingly the finer points of transgender theory.

However, it is this untheoretical approach which has led to the other main criticism of the book - that it views transsexuals as victims. I have some sympathy with that criticism. As a therapist the author does seem to have a rather excessive regard for therapy itself. She is scathing about what she calls “knowing patients” who treat therapy purely as a means to an end. She seems to view all transsexuals as in urgent and essential need of therapy and indeed sees transition as more or less a long therapeutic process. I’m sure I’m not the only one to be surprised by all the talk in this book of group sessions and roleplay and who knows what. Well, I have had no therapy whatsoever and I don’t expect to have any. It is true that circumstances have forced many of us to live lives of pain and confusion which take great effort to overcome. Being transsexual, though, doesn’t demand therapy - which this book appears to argue - however much help it may provide some. We are not all the same. Some of the younger generation, for instance, are far more positive and practical in their attitude. I would say that differences in life-experience, age, culture and so on show that transsexuality is not a static condition and that the therapeutic model that the author adheres to is socially determined and not universally appropriate.

The description of growing up transsexual that the author presents, with many moving personal stories, does resonate with me, however, and I’m sure with many other readers. The fear that one is freakish or mad, the incongruity between what one feels and what one is told, the misery of pretence and being forced to act a part, the constant loneliness and feeling of alienation, the fear of complete rejection, the internalisation of conflict and withdrawal from society, the escape into books and other imaginary worlds, the desperate search for solutions and coping mechanisms, the tendency towards alcohol abuse, drug addiction, suicide and other self-destructive acts, and so on - I was familiar with all this from an early age until I was past 40. Today I do want to tell my family, to show them that my desire to transition is not a whimsical or trivial or temporary one. But what I also want them to know is that transition, for all its difficulties, is mostly successful and offers opportunities for happiness and fulfillment that cannot be acquired otherwise. This book seems to be well suited for explaining that. I recommended it, anyway, to one of my sisters… I don’t think she’s read it, though….